My Immortal
by Xandryh
Summary: Severus visits Lily's grave one evening. Songfic, one shot.


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, they all belong to J.K. Rowling and the song belongs to Evanescence.  
Spoilers: Deathly Hallows

--

"**I'm so tired of being here**

**Suppressed by all my childish fears**

**And if you have to leave**

**I wish that you would just leave**

**'Cause your presence still lingers here**

**And it won't leave me alone"**

Another sigh escaped from his lips as he traced her name on the tombstone. The chilly night wind blew in his dark, slightly greasy hair. "I am so sorry." He whispered. "I never meant for this to happen, I hope you know that. I never wanted this…"  
He fought to keep his black eyes hard; he fought not to give in to the tears, not again.  
"Merlin, I hope he kills me, I don't want to live in a world where you don't exist. I don't want to live in a world where stupid little things remind me about you all the time."  
Anger flared up inside of him. "If you're gone then can't all of you be gone?!"  
Another sigh. "I didn't mean that."

"**These wounds won't seem to heal**

**This pain is just too real**

**There's just too much that time cannot erase"**

He closed his eyes and rested his face in one of his hands.  
"I deserve this." He said in the dark voice he always seemed to be using lately. "I should have listened to you. I was wrong all along. It's all my fault. But I just couldn't when you…" And he opened his eyes to glare at the other name on the tombstone.  
He sighed again.  
"Didn't you ever understand that I…" But he couldn't say it.

"**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears**

**When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears**

**I held your hand through all of these years**

**But you still have all of me"**

"I regret us being apart." He confessed. "I wish it could have been the way it always was. We were together, always doing something. Perhaps plotting some silly revenge on my father or some stupid little trick to pull on your sister. Or just talking. And you were always there for me if I needed you, and I was there for you too."

"**You used to captivate me**

**By your resonating light**

**Now I'm bound by the life you left behind**

**Your face it haunts**

**My once pleasant dreams**

**Your voice it chased away**

**All the sanity in me"**

"I wish I could be with you now, I want nothing more than to follow you. But I guess the old fool is right, I owe it to you to protect your child." His eyes darkened a bit.  
"How I can look at him without losing my mind is beyond me." He stated.  
"Although maybe not, I see you all the time in my mind. I wish you were a ghost, that would have been easier. But I guess you had nothing to tie you here." He said grimly.

"**These wounds won't seem to heal**

**This pain is just too real**

**There's just too much that time cannot erase"**

"I cannot stand the pain, but I know it serves me well. I dream about you. Only you. Always. Of all the things we have done or just about seeing you again. I am going to slowly lose my mind this way. But I deserve that too."

"**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears**

**When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears**

**I held your hand through all of these years**

**But you still have all of me"**

"I am nothing without you, I _have_ nothing without you. Nothing means anything without you. I'd rather you were still alive and with _Potter_ than dead and not here at all. Even if that meant that I would never see you. At least you would still be alive and happy. Then at least this would all mean something to me."

"**I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone**

**But though you're still with me**

**I've been alone all along"**

He sighed.  
"If I just close my eyes I see your face and hear your voice. For all I know you could be right next to me. But I know you are not, and when I open my eyes I am alone."

"**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears**

**When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears**

**I held your hand through all of these years**

**But you still have all of me"**

"Never in my darkest dreams would I have thought it would end like this. I never thought that you would die because of me. I am so sorry."  
His pain was beginning to show in his eyes.  
He sighed and looked away from the grave.  
"Get a hold of yourself, she cannot hear you." He scorned himself.  
He started to turn away but cast a last glance back at her name.  
"I love you, Lily."

--

Author's Note: Maybe he's a bit out of character, but this is how I imagine that he would be if he was alone with Lily. Perhaps not quite like this if she was still alive, but she's not and he's all sad so I think it fits…  
And English is not my native language, so please excuse any grammatical errors.


End file.
